Build a Box in Twelve Easy Steps

October 14 2017

1) Design cabinets for your conversion van project.

2) Buy lumber.

3) By now it’s been eight months. Remember that lumber you needed for the cabinets? Yeah, those cabinets are never happening, we’re making a box.

4) Cut wood to size. Guesstimations highly encouraged here.

5) Assemble a base. It should be a square, or a rectangle, or both!

6) Once upon a time you could have bought one hundred screws for five dollars, but being the genius you are, you decided that it’s a significantly better deal to buy 10,000 screws for eight bucks. Well great job! You finally get to use 1/250th of them to affix your wood to your other wood.

7) Congrats you screwed up! But that’s par for the course for you, you big dumb idiot. Go drill pilot holes.

8) This is never going to work. All your stuff is going to fall through your braces. Remember that light weight door you built for that storage cabinet? The one that sucks? Yeah you remember. Go tear it off the wall and cover up these giant holes.

9) Wow you made a base! Drill some more wood on that base. Let’s make that beautiful work of art a little more pronounced in the Z-axis.

10) Great job being a human for-loop! Now pose with your creation. Find the stupidest damn shirt in your wardrobe before you do though.

11) You should probably stain it now. Wouldn’t want a magnificent piece of woodworking magic like this bad boy to get water damaged.

12) Use your newly created masterpiece as a junk drawer in your shitty conversion van.

Congrats on your new box. Guess you arn’t as terrible as everyone thinks you are!

The astute reader will notice that step three isn’t really a step. See, easier than you thought!